My heart and mind have been swirling and churning and aching these past few days and honestly I’m not quite sure yet what all of those thoughts and emotions are. I feel restless but unsure what to do or where to go. After pacing outside for a little while it just came to me to come and sit in Kai’s reading chair where we spent each night reading a book, or two, or three,¬†or “last one”, “one more time”. ūüôā¬†¬†Him in my lap or sometimes he’d insist we squeeze in side by side with Cat and owls and bees as well. I felt compelled to write on here but I’ve started and restarted many times¬†and nothing feels quite¬†right that I should post.

So I think maybe for now, I will just share a video of Kai Kai and also I wanted to be sure and say thank you so much for all of you who came out to the Head for the Cure Race in Dallas this weekend. Thank you so so much for your support and being there for Team Kai! We appreciate it so very much.

I had Shawn pull up the videos on the tv today so I could see him. I needed to hear his voice and see him move and jump and play and laugh and squeal and run around. I needed to see his life. When Maya woke up we set her in her chair so she could see the Kai videos on the tv¬†and she squealed and smiled and clapped and kicked her legs. To her it wasn’t a video – she was with her brother and for a moment my heart swelled because I felt the joy of seeing the two of them “together” again.sunshine

That feeling reminded me that Kai is still alive and that my heart is growing with more and more love for him and that his sister is growing in her love for her brother and knowing her brother. In the midst of all that is broken, set apart or distant in this world, in no time at all, it is all brought together by a memory of love that still remains and is growing and full of life.

So I share this little video of Kai – I think he’s about 18-20 months old here (I don’t know where to find the date tags on iPhone videos).

Thank you, thank you, thank you so incredibly much for all of your prayers, messages, support, and so many things that help lift us and carry us forward each day. Thank you so, so much.

Sun’s out, Kai’s out!¬†¬†I hope this brings a smile and a little light into your day!

7 Comments on Kai’s Quick Hello (and smooch)

  1. Love that smooch and that smile!!! Thinking of you often Aki and Shawn! Praying for comfort. And I love looking at pictures of sweet Kai Kai! I love that Maya lights up when she sees him. But didn’t we all…. His energy always lit up a room! Love you buddy!!

  2. I love this video! He was such a loving little boy. I think of him and his sweet little laugh everyday. And today on Mother’s Day, I am reminded of how lucky he and Maya are to have such an amazing woman as their mom. Sending you and Shawn a big hug. Love you guys!

  3. Aki, on this Mother’s Day, the first without Kai, you and your family have been often in my thoughts and prayers. Being Kai’s parents was an awesome gift and honor and even though he was here for such a short short time, your love and the impact his life had on so many of us, is a legacy that will live forever. I know that only time can dull the pain – I pray that that same time sharpens your memories of ever mundane day with your precious son. I pray that God continues to hold you close and hope you find some comfort im His Almighty Grace.

  4. Such a sweet, sweet boy! I am glad you have many many videos to share with Maya, and with all of us! Happy Mother’s Day, Aki!

  5. This video is just precious Aki! I thought of you and prayed for you often yesterday. I thought about what a wonderful example of strength, courage and love you set for all of us mothers and I am so thankful for your impact on me! What a beautiful blessing that you were able to enjoy a moment yesterday watching both of your children together. Happy Mother’s Day Aki, you are truly an inspiration!

  6. Bless you, dear Aki! Still praying for you often and trusting God to hold you close as you grieve. So thankful you have the videos to comfort you during these difficult days. So precious!!

  7. Saw this quote on a blog and wanted to share it because it reminded me of you. Thank you that despite your pain, you are choosing to seek life and let love win. I know it must be so hard, but trusting that Jesus will give you enough energy every day to do so

    “We have learned that when we have come through seasons of darkness, we will not use our words to curse the darkness, but we will use our words to bless the Light. We will point the Light of our Salvation who led us safely through the snares of our enemy. We will point to the One who walked with us and continues to illuminate our path with His Truth. We will choose words to proclaim the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

    I have watched this video on repeat. Along with all the other videos. I can’t stop. I just hit replay over and over. I remember when he used to give me those kisses through facetime <3 I will never forget!!!

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