We’re thinking of you, Buddy. Constantly. It doesn’t matter if we’re tired. It doesn’t matter if we’re too busy with work and school and life. It doesn’t matter if the day is beautiful and we’re at the park with Maya. We are always thinking about you. (Is that a song lyric?) You see, it doesn’t matter what condition we are in or what condition the rest of the word is in – you are always here.

Some thoughts can be a painful and poor replacement for the real thing, but those thoughts are dwarfed by the rest of them which are a joyous and precious replacement for what is missing. Many times you pop into my head because something jogs a memory. Perhaps I came across one of the many stickers that you placed around the house which are still there (Lightening McQueen will be on the dash in the car for years to come). Perhaps it’s because the sun is shining brightly. Or maybe it’s the water cups the Maya uses that still have your name on them. I love that these things give a nearly tangible nature to my thoughts.

But more often I’m thinking of you for no apparent reason at all. I’m not even thinking about anything in particular. It’s the same way I think about Maya. I just recently realized how much time I spend thinking about the two of you – just general thoughts about nothing in particular. These thoughts are just there. These are thoughts we all have on a daily basis about the ones we care about. I love that these thoughts just exist – as if they are an autonomic function – I don’t have to try at all to think about you or Maya. You are just there!

I haven’t really been able to write anything worth sharing. Every day is up and down, but not particularly interesting. But the constant thoughts and memories are spectacular! Do any of you out there know what these thoughts are – those thoughts about somebody that are always just there in your head? If you do, then I promise that you have something beautiful in your mind that will forever feed you without any effort!

The sun was shining bright today, Kai, but we’d be thinking of you even if it wasn’t.

Love you!

6 Comments on Thinking of You

  1. Wow, that was awesome. We’ve been looking at videos from when the kids were babies and the whole family lives it when the videos and pictures of Kai come up. Love thinking of him too.
    Great post

  2. All of you are thought of often here, too. And you are so right – those thoughts that just pop up about those we love, without prompting – we get it! Love you all, and hope to see you soon.

  3. Kai completed our family!!! We think of him so much too, my thoughts of him are more and more frequent. We love and miss him so very much…….

  4. So very thankful for your precious memories of little Kai. I know what you mean about those thoughts that are just “there”. That is how it is when I think of both of my parents, both of whom are now resting in Jesus’ arms. I don’t suppose we ever stop missing the ones we’ve lost, and there will always be a void…I think that is one reason God gives us the memories. To keep them alive in our hearts forever. I want you to know that I still pray for your dear family on a regular basis, and I am trusting God to see you through every painful moment of grief. God bless all of you in a special way. 🙂

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